I should make it clear that I am not shaming the male population as a whole and not every single man is guilty of such things. There seems to be a certain culture surrounding the nightlife at bars. There are also certain stereotypes in place surrounding the men and women in attendance. If you are a woman at a bar, you are seen as solely there for the purpose of finding a partner. It can be either sexual or a romantic relationship. And there seems to be pretty much no excuse a woman can give for rejecting an advance by a man. Any logical excuse you could give a man whose mind is set on pursuing you will more often than not be dismissed as though you’re out of your mind. As if you are missing a rule of engagement. The most troubling aspect is that women feel compelled to give an excuse in the first place.
Let’s say the answer given is no. If we tell a man no, they already have their answer, they don’t need to keep on pressing this person. There must be something they can do or say to change her mind. And once the man has given up, they usually will make the woman feel bad for saying no. And the sad part is, this can seriously mess with some women’s minds. It can be for many different reasons. Maybe she hates making others dislike her, or she hates disappointing others, etc. They’re making a woman feel guilty when she has no reason to.
Let’s say the answer was yes. The woman gave in to what the man was asking, whether that be a dance, drink, conversation, etc. Why would she say yes if she didn’t want to? Probably due to one of the possibilities I already gave: she felt bad, she felt like she owed him her kindness for him being bold, etc. So now you have someone who is doing something they don’t want to do to make someone else happy.
We need to destroy the idea that a woman who wants to have fun must give some of her attention to a man. If I want to go to a bar with my friends, I shouldn’t be expected to take part in anything I don’t want to do. We need to stop slut shaming women who enjoy drinking with their friends. We’re allowed to have fun without giving men our time. And just because you are interested in a woman, does not mean she owes you a thing. Except maybe some respect, if you’re going to give some back.
I’m a senior at Illinois State University pursuing a degree in Organizational Leadership Communication. I’m currently a Public Relations and Marketing intern for YWCA McLean County. I’d like to pursue a career in Public Relations after graduating this May.